3.2.05

Papaver somniferum

i seek oblivion.
palm to palm, skin to skin
with pain –
floating beside her
grey subjugates. we are buoyant
in this shoreless, hungry

sea

aching for gravid
somnolence, exquisite
weight –
dreaming of desolate archipelagos,
poppy fields,
saltless waves in which to

sink.





I've been saving up, wanting to post something pithy and on-target about a pressing healthcare issue. This is not that post. Unfortunately, I feel like crap and can't concentrate long enough to be pithy and on-target.

Lumbar puncture #kazillion today... Opening pressure confirmed my suspicion, unfortunately: Broken shunt, somewhere. I have both ventriculoperitoneal and lumboperitoneal shunts, so now to ascertain both which shunt is messed up and where. Joy. I hate being right when it comes to these things.

Pain is corrosive... And having lived with unrelenting pain for almost four years now, I worry that I will become corroded. I worry that one day the disease will speak, instead of me. That my face will be the face of pain.


once again the spacing is off... GRRR. (and no, i do not use illicit drugs. nor do i condone the use of illicit drugs by others.)

2 Comments:

Blogger Dreaming again said...

Pain is corrosive... And having lived with unrelenting pain for almost four years now, I worry that I will become corroded. I worry that one day the disease will speak, instead of me. That my face will be the face of pain.


If you allow it to, it can make you a better doctor. It doesn't have to corrode you ... it can improve you. It can give you an empathy that you would not have otherwise. The patients may never know that the empathy they see on your face is born of pain. But it will make a difference in the quality of care you give, and that quality will be unmatched.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Internal Medicine Doctor said...

sorry about the shunt. I can't even imagine what a lumbar puncture feels like. I've done them so many times and allways felt horrible for the patient.

2:11 AM  

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