15.2.05

insomnia

My sister wanted (honestly) today to know if I have narcolepsy... AhaAHHHAaHahaha. Funny, but not really.

It's been so long since I have slept WELL at night.. you know, comfortable and not having awful dreams or getting up for an hour or two because something hurts.

Like so many other people who deal with chronic illness, I live my life in fragments strewn over a background of pain. There are occasional fragments of sleep, fragments of lunch or the grocery store or any number of normal things. But that background can drown a fragment whole, or jumble all the fragments that have been neatly laid out.

A couple of years ago I became frustrated because I was looking for a book on living with chronic illness. I have yet to find the book I was/am looking for...
So often I look at books and realize that, despite what they say on their jacket, they are not meant for me. They speak of people living with terrible, wrenching illness. But it is death that the books are talking about, and courage (or lack thereof) in the face of death – Not life.
There is nothing to be had in these books about hope in the face of life with ongoing illness. That is what I want to read. I want to understand how incurable illness impacts the way we live. Then perhaps I can write the book that seems to be missing for me.

Now if I could just sleep for one night...

5 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Charles said...

very true - besides the instructional books about low back pain, etc, there probably aren't many personal accounts.
i really feel sorry for those people who can't sleep - it's torture.

10:43 PM  
Blogger Dr. Charles said...

ps - i realized that that poem was a syllabic poem (alternated 5 - 6 syllables per line). wrote it in college... i want to read more of yours someday!

10:44 PM  
Blogger Dreaming again said...

hmmmmm ...

Maybe we can both write one, then there will be two on the market!

I haven't found one either ...been looking for years. I keep being told to write it. Grrr I want to READ one!

10:57 PM  
Blogger bronwyn said...

Dreaming again.... i would like to come and read but for some reason can't seem to navigate my way to your blog. Can you leave the actual blog URL??

2:58 AM  
Blogger Dreaming again said...

I'm sorry, I didn't realize I didn't get back over here!

http://pearlsanddreams.blogspot.com

11:43 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home