4.2.05

deja vous all over again. but not.



I had a strange sense of jamais vous today as I was driving across town. It was a beautiful day; brilliantly sunny, clear, and cold. Suddenly, as I approached a red light, everything before me seemed to expand. All of it new and unfamiliar. The road looked vast and open, as though I could go on for a thousand miles and never meet its end-- smooth sailing to Neverland. It looked like a new road, one that I had never laid eyes on before. Even the mountains before me seemed newly minted. The mountains that have stood over me in every direction from the day I was born.

All the things that define this place as my home were somehow tossed up in the air and juggled before me -- the mountains, the birch trees and alder brush, the roads I have known since day one, the hoar frost, magpies... All of it fresh and unfamiliar. In a way, perhaps, my mind let go of "home" in this stage of jamais vous. So many things that made this place mine seemed palpably detached from me.

It wasn't sad at the time, just incredibly strange. Like the motherland released me to my new habitat thousands of miles away. Bittersweet, I suppose, but strangely comforting at the same time.

I have no idea if this is coherent and/or comprehensible. But ah well... A warm bed and plenty of covers await me. In subzero weather that sounds especially nice. :)

5 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Charles said...

i think i understand...
each day, to see the world in a fresh and unexpected way, that is a blessing.
You show much courage with all the pain, shunts, and unfair bullshit that your body is subjected too. I admire you, and hope that you remain strong.
p.s. - i put up the next birdfeeder story for you... its pretty stupid as always!

10:46 PM  
Blogger einolu said...

those your pictures?

10:33 PM  
Blogger bronwyn said...

dr. charles just had to say a big thanks for you, for continuing to read my inconsistent little blog. thank you... the patients out there who can call you 'my doctor, are lucky indeed.
.........................
einars! yes, the photos are mine... i would sooo love to have a new digital camera to capture all the beauty around here.
Hey-- your profile isn't public and i lost your blog URL.. where art thou?
................................:.......

6:08 PM  
Blogger einolu said...

its http://www.einolu.com/blog

nice pictures

9:32 PM  
Blogger Dr. Craig Hildreth said...

Jamais vu is one of the most blissful experiences one can ever hope to encounter - I know I crave it like an anodyne. You are probably the only person in the blogosphere who is writing about this! Keep up the great work!

11:02 AM  

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